Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
