Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
