my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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