Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
