Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
