hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize