first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
