this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
