Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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