I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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