I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
