My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
