Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
