I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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