I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So apparently I’m into choking now
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