I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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