why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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