im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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