we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My penis needs a shock collar
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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