That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
