some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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