It's Friday. Sex?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
