I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
