i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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