I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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