It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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