I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
