y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
