And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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