I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize