I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
