your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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