what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
