my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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