there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
