i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
