Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
