Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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