i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
