I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize