jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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