i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
