I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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