good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
