dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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