I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
