you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
