if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
