Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
