Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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