Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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