i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
