she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my shit smells like andre
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You are the jesus of drinking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
