i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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