Don't you send me to vm
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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