but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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