i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
