just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
