Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
