i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
