If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
