i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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