please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
