I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Boobs are out for the taking
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
