It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
