i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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