If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
