It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
