They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
