I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
