i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
