they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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