this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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