and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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