I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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