Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
