I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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