A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize