it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
