oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
