I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
