He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
