I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
