Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
