omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
