I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
