just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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