I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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