the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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