The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
