We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
