I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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