Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize