dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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