No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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