I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize