I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
