The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I lost the right to judge tonight
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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