just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
