Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
