you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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