As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize